I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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