She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
