Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize