so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize