I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
