Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
