Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
