im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
