Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
