I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
