i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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