I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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