the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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