Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
