Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
