Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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