I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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