It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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