My room smells like vodka and shame
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just cut my nipple shaving
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
