so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
