I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
