Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize