I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Randomize
