Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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