every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
