dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Randomize
