i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
