Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
