SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
