You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
do nipples grow back?
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