I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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