lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
