There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
