Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize