She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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