haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
