Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I enjoy the company of your penis
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
