It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
