I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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