just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
