We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
