i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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