You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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