I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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