Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize