I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
