shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
