Say something about gay babies.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
