i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize