Im at strip club and am horny
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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