If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
