the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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