dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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