Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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