You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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