I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
