yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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