How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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