and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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